28 Days

It has always been like this. Sandra Bullock movies have inadvertently governed my life in some form since I was about 10. It's not enough I see one of her movies on every single airplane ride that shows movies. I didn't really understand the internet until I had seen Bullock star-vehicle "The Net", I didn't really know I was gay until I saw "While You Were Sleeping", and I've had this weird penchant for city bus drivers ever since "Speed".

Here we go again. I've decided to stop drinking (alcohol) for 28 days. I'm not really sure if that was the premise of her movie "28 Days" but if it's not it was something very similar. I've been working out a lot and it's time to maximize. Also, last Saturday at a post-fashion show party when a girl stepped on my patent leather shows I allegedly said, "Bitch, you better watch yourself. These shoes cost more than your boobs and nose combined and if you come near me again, I'll rip them both off." Not that I'm really ashamed I said something like that. I just think if I'm going to continue making such ballsy threats when I'm drunk I might as well have the body to back them up.

What Happened to Iceland?

My dad turned to me on Saturday night and said, "You know? Iceland is a piece of garbage on the map but they are all very nice and they are all named Bergerson."

That got me to thinking: didn't Iceland's government completely fall apart and cause them to lose all of their money? I remember reading in the NYTimes a few months ago that you could get a plane ticket and four nights hotel for something like 500 dollars. And I think they even threw in a lobster dinner under the northern lights.

I was originally going to post about how I wanted to buy Iceland. And was going to lobby for Paypal donations but the recession isn't really a time to joke about others misfortune so I spent like 4 minutes brainstorming and I think I have settled on a solution for Iceland's woes.

A spinoff sictom to D2: The Might Ducks. The coach was an asshole but kind of hot, the lady coach was totally hot and pretty nice and there was this Icelandish player who was a huge jerk but in the end his icey heart melted (get it) and he saw the err of his ways. There are so many directions to take this. If it is produced in Iceland they could make a profit and also use it as a tour-- ugh what am I talking about? Note to self: never again start a blog with "my dad turned to me and said."

Baby Talk

So I saw "17, Again" and I went on a date with a 21 year old. I visited my best friend from High School who is engaged and she showed me the house she bought with her fiance and we went to bed at 10 PM.

My rent is $1,600 dollars a month and so I can't afford the Crest with extra whitening. I can think of two friends off the top my head who already have crows feet and try to validate that as me aging when I know it's just that they don't sleep. I sometimes sleep... with people... for vodka sodas.

I called my grandma on Thursday because she broke her back and I wanted to see how she was doing. Despite the pain she was in a great mood because she shit for the first time in 9 days. How do I go from here to there? Do I just wake up one day and realize it's been forever since I've pooped?